What McDonald’s Teaches Us About Listening

One of the many enjoyable things about writing women’s fiction is writing about people, emotions, and relationships. As an author, I aim for more than entertainment—I want my stories to spark reflection, inviting readers to explore emotions, examine relationships, and perhaps deepen their empathy for others along the way.

In Under the Roof, the Cat Lady confesses the shortcomings in her life to Aggie, and Aggie tries to understand her confession by using a very simple, yet important communication technique called the McDonald’s Method. Yes! Who doesn’t love a little McDonald’s in their conversation? Let me explain.

When someone is attempting to communicate with you, you can use two simple practices that I like to call the McDonald’s Method.

First, when someone shares their feelings with you, first and foremost, affirm their feelings.

Second, reiterate and confirm what you believe they are trying to tell you.

For example, your spouse drives up to the drive-through window and presents their order. “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed lately.”

As a listener, what is your response to this? Typically, the first thing we want to do is defend ourselves, but that is not what we are to do. We need to affirm their feelings by repeating their order. “So you are saying that you are feeling overwhelmed. That can happen to all of us. Can you tell me more about what you are feeling?”

Ah ha! You have affirmed their order/feelings, you have shown that you affirm their order/feelings, and you are available if they’d like to order more.

And so they continue, “I am trying to juggle work, the house, and the children. I’m tired and I sometimes feel unhappy.”

Again, you will feel like you want to defend yourself, but this is not about you; it is about your spouse’s feelings and how you can help them. In helping them, you will help yourself, and your relationship will grow stronger.

It’s time once again to affirm and repeat. “I hear you saying that you have too much on your plate right now, and you are losing your joy in life. Can we continue to talk about this and figure out a way to lessen your load and restore some of your peace and joy?”

Voila! The next time someone drives up to your window, don’t take it personally: listen to their order, affirm their feelings, and allow them the space to receive the order they came for.

Listen, affirm, repeat.

When you really listen, you understand what people need. You catch the things they’re not saying out loud, and you strengthen your relationship.

After all, when have you ever driven up to place an order at McDonald’s and they yell back through the intercom, “You want what?!” They listen, affirm, and repeat. And then they allow you to order more.