How to Stop Being a Victim

Are you really good at making yourself the victim? Do you say things like, "Oh, I always have bad luck, things don't usually work out for me, or people are always against me."

People often have a victim mentality and don't even realize they have it.

The problem with having a victim mentality is that it takes all the power away from you. You have lost control if you constantly blame others, circumstances, or the economy for your problems. If you make yourself the victim, you are basically resigning to the fact that you have no control over your life, and whatever happens to you is going to happen.

You cannot improve your life if you have a victim mentality.

What is a victim mindset? It is an attitude where people perceive themselves as powerless and blame external circumstances or other people for their problems. It is a mindset that involves chronic complaining, making excuses, and avoiding responsibility. It is the belief that no matter what I do, I can't change myself, and I can't change this situation.

Where does this come from? It often takes root in your childhood. It is a protection mechanism you developed or a way that you got attention when you were little. Parenting style can really play a role in this. Perhaps you had overprotective parents who made you afraid of the world and unable to navigate it alone?

If you had an overly controlling parent, perhaps they instilled fear in you and created a belief that external forces always dictate your actions. It takes the autonomy out of your life.

Or, perhaps you were modeling the behaviors and attitudes of the adults around you or your parents? Maybe your parents had a victim mentality, and you watched them and adopted it for yourself.

One of the most common signs of adult victim mentality is the tendency to blame other people for your problems, mistakes, or failures. For instance, blaming the boss for your lack of advancement in your job; "Well, he doesn't like me, he's holding me back."

Or blaming a partner for your relationship issues, or a family member for all the problems within a family.

Or blaming society for your status or the way you grew up.

This type of blame removes our sense of responsibility.

You have to gain control of your life to change it.

You can either think that life is happening to you or life is happening for you.

So, if the victim mindset is bad and takes all our power away, what mindset do we want to have?

The Empowered Mindset

Look what the Empowered Mindset would say in the following circumstances:

Career Advancement:

Empowered: How can I improve my skills? I'm going to ask my boss for feedback. I will take a few classes, study online, and become a better employee. I will start going to work 30 minutes early every morning and work harder.

Health and Fitness

Empowered: Maybe it is genetics, maybe it will be harder for me to lose weight than the average person, but I will work harder than the average person. It's not impossible. I'm going to consult with a nutritionist and make sure I have all the correct information so I can achieve my goals.

Relationships

I need to get better in this relationship. I need to work on myself and better myself. I'm going to learn how to communicate my needs better. I'm going to create a safe place for this relationship. I will ask for forgiveness when I need to and adjust my attitudes and behaviors to be a better person and enhance my relationships.

Having an empowered mentality means that you will identify the things you need to improve and work to improve them.

It means that you are going to be self-aware. Begin to reflect on your thoughts, your mindsets, your behaviors…where can you improve? Seek help in this process. Ask someone you trust to help you. Seek therapy.

Know that if a situation is going to change, it has to start with you.

Take control. Stop blaming the other person and start changing yourself. You can't change the other person, but you can change how you approach them, speak to them, treat them, and respond to them. You have control.

Begin to look at setbacks as an opportunity to grow. When things get hard, you get strong. If you want to change your life, you can do it.